Yesterday, Michael and I fell into conversation about sex.
The interesting thing about it is, we will never have that conversation again.
“How often do you want to have sex with me?”
Both of our answers were the same. “A lot.” “Daily. “ “More than we are now.”
So why aren’t we?
That seemed the next logical conversation prompt.
So we talked at length that afternoon about,
“What is in the way?”
Time, energy, kidless environments, body pain, exhaustion, stress, our mutual affection for watching both seasons of Ted Lasso (for the 5th or 6th time)…
We made a date for later in the evening & set an intention to play with ropes and surrender into our bodies when we had the house all to ourselves.
After 3 hours of devoted presence and cosmic sex, we had a huge ahah! moment. Who wouldn’t!
This time, we agreed, we are not going back to the way it was before the rope came out and fire was lit.
Something shifted big time for us.
The question of “What’s in the way?” is defeatist.
We were looking at the entirely negative side of the challenge and turned our lovemaking into problem. Nothing is or was lacking.
So the questions isn’t, “What is in the way?,” instead it’s:
“What is the way?”
Quality over quantity. More intentional, devoted times of exploration and playfulness is what we were desiring. Get our bodies turned on and tuned into each other. That!
So now at the end of the day, when we climb into bed, recognizing that we don’t have 3 hours of devoted time or energy in our system each night, we ask the question,
”When can I take you IN?”
Kind of like taking each other out on a date, but instead, closing the doors and falling into each other with whatever intimacy & sxx shows up. The key being intention. Emphasis on IN.
Turning the question of “What’s in the way of us having more sxx together ” inside out
and instead ask:
“What IS the way?”
Daily. Nightly. INtentionally. With the knowledge that under all the perceived limitations, is desire, not lack.
Writing this & sharing it here as a reminder to myself more than anyone.